There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of Marley and her arm. I am reminded by it when she wakes up, and when I put her gently over the crib rails careful to place her just right when she’s fast asleep. While it’s always there, present with her it doesn’t define her. Or me. It’s just skin. Just flesh. Just bone. She’s never going to know any different. I don’t ever think of her being something else. And never has my baby felt broken. I wouldn’t love her any more or less if she were different. And while I do think about it, it does not consume me. This isn’t life threatening. For her, it may not even be life altering. My life has been mostly smooth and given this hurtle I was left baffled and completely unprepared. It isn’t any easier to accept, I’m just more hardened. Scabbed over. I know it’s seems like I’m bellyaching. Ungrateful when so many are in situations that can’t have a positive side. Moms who don’t even have a baby to be burdened over. So many that will watch their little silently fade away into forgotten.
I wallow. I do. But I also wallow in the pureness of her sweetness and innocence.... and all too many times aware of how hard life can be. Button jeans. Shaving. Holding the door for someone else. Shaking hands. It all doesn’t matter. But how quick do we stare at what’s not expected. Or quickly look away. The book Wonder was written because a mom didn’t know how to react to her child seeing another that didn’t look how we expect them to. I read that book when I was three and half months pregnant with Marley. I bawled my eyes out and couldn’t put it down. Then I gave the Cliffs notes to my 5th grade daughter who was supposed to read it and ran out of time. I had no idea how much it would hit home. But how can I compare. I haven’t even earned the right to complain. Not ever. Not even once.
So, I write to share our story. To give a glimpse into our life. To show how love can come in the most unexpected ways and fear can try it’s very best to overpower if you let it. To expose the hard parts and relish in the best parts. Isn’t that what all we long for anyway?
I wallow. I do. But I also wallow in the pureness of her sweetness and innocence.... and all too many times aware of how hard life can be. Button jeans. Shaving. Holding the door for someone else. Shaking hands. It all doesn’t matter. But how quick do we stare at what’s not expected. Or quickly look away. The book Wonder was written because a mom didn’t know how to react to her child seeing another that didn’t look how we expect them to. I read that book when I was three and half months pregnant with Marley. I bawled my eyes out and couldn’t put it down. Then I gave the Cliffs notes to my 5th grade daughter who was supposed to read it and ran out of time. I had no idea how much it would hit home. But how can I compare. I haven’t even earned the right to complain. Not ever. Not even once.
So, I write to share our story. To give a glimpse into our life. To show how love can come in the most unexpected ways and fear can try it’s very best to overpower if you let it. To expose the hard parts and relish in the best parts. Isn’t that what all we long for anyway?
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