He says “get healthy and move forward. Tough week, great time to get things in order”. He knows it’s been a rough few weeks. Marley is cutting three of her four I-teeth. She’s been unhappy. She’s found her voice and screams a pitching piercing scream, unable to tell us exactly what she wants. I vaguely remember this stage. But it’s so far away buried in useless memories that it all feels new and so foreign. I can’t handle the screaming. Neither can he. So we are dropped into this incredibly hard terrible twos at 16 months old with parents that are not coping well. It’s taken it’s toll. And it can be so hard to find the glimmer of sunlight and happiness in winter. I tabled my winter song months ago, and yet like a bad dream that you have over and over it’s back. And I’ve struggled. We’ve struggled. It’s only icing on the cake that two bouts of stomach bug and an upper respiratory infection for both Marley and I have made this 2019 so far a bust. It’s where we’ve been. It’s made me quiet. Or really angry. I should have saw it coming. A dose of reprieve before the waves of a storm.
But there is light there. Even if you don’t see it. I find it so hard to write in a public forum during these times. It’s so raw and personal. And nothing is ever so bad that I should be complaining at all. I just Hope through it all that God is there and truthfully, not mad at me. Guilt is so powerful and deceptive...
So, here we are January 16th and I ran. I feel stronger than yesterday and hopeful for tomorrow. I know I’m not alone... Sarah Herron has posted on IG too those same thoughts as we’ve moved on around the same time. She is my inspiration for Marley. I relish in her words. In her hope.
We are officially headed to California. In about a month we will make our initial visit and then set a date for surgery. It is such a hopeful day. And I stifle Fear that thinks it has the upper hand. I pray for Grace. And mercy. And pure love. And so much more. I pray to be brave and strong. I pray for guidance. I pray for the name of Jesus to be exalted.
It can be so hard in our days and feel so unimportant. And that same moment it can feel perfect. This ebb and flow of life. The ups and downs. I’ve put myself out there and there is no going back to who I was 10 years ago. I will never be in my 20s again. There has to be a “thank God for that” in there somewhere. I’m trying. I cling to those four letters. Hope.
But there is light there. Even if you don’t see it. I find it so hard to write in a public forum during these times. It’s so raw and personal. And nothing is ever so bad that I should be complaining at all. I just Hope through it all that God is there and truthfully, not mad at me. Guilt is so powerful and deceptive...
So, here we are January 16th and I ran. I feel stronger than yesterday and hopeful for tomorrow. I know I’m not alone... Sarah Herron has posted on IG too those same thoughts as we’ve moved on around the same time. She is my inspiration for Marley. I relish in her words. In her hope.
We are officially headed to California. In about a month we will make our initial visit and then set a date for surgery. It is such a hopeful day. And I stifle Fear that thinks it has the upper hand. I pray for Grace. And mercy. And pure love. And so much more. I pray to be brave and strong. I pray for guidance. I pray for the name of Jesus to be exalted.
It can be so hard in our days and feel so unimportant. And that same moment it can feel perfect. This ebb and flow of life. The ups and downs. I’ve put myself out there and there is no going back to who I was 10 years ago. I will never be in my 20s again. There has to be a “thank God for that” in there somewhere. I’m trying. I cling to those four letters. Hope.
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