Finally some much needed sunlight. Boy, did we need it. It’s a shift in perspective within hours. I starting thinking as we were driving home from Soph’s basketball game that I seem to write most when I’m melancholy and then on my way up from the dark. Sad words or hard words just seem to need somewhere safe to go- helpful to others I hope. And happy, joyful words are prevalent most after we clawed our way out. Hope. But what happens to the other seasons? The less euphoric, rather anticlimactic days... they can mind numbingly ramble on until the next. We catch glimpses of the past we moved through such as today is super bowl Sunday and I can still feel the breath escape my chest as the Toyota commercial aired playing “the song” on the first commercial break of the game and an amazing Lauren on the screen. But I can also be present in the moment and scanning the pantry items in my head I think it’s a chili kinda night for the game. Not exactly original, but it works.
I guess what I’m saying is that tiny moments, those boring moments can be the ones you need all along. I’ve been cooped up for so long that I kinda forgot that having a toddler means that everything you show her from here on out is still new and exciting. Marley ran to my lap carrying the book “Dada” by Jimmy Fallon and she read every word on all the pages from memory of all the times we’ve read it together. She was giddy with her tongue out saying Dada as she ran to me. I thought that all too soon we’ll be playing dolls and she’ll be ready for that tea party set we have. Right now she is still fascinated by books and straws and well, just about everything! And seeing it all from her eye-line makes me love this life even more. When we were sick, being on Instagram way too much I was having a hard time with the unattainable perfection displayed everywhere. But, one month out and zero postings from me I finally see how I affected we are by our external circumstances.
I feel empowered today. Inspired. I feel better than I have in weeks and finally out of gym clothes! I feel grateful. And quietly humbled- for I do not forget the stomach bug twice in 10 days. Twice. I feel strength.
And motivated. We are going to that initial visit and regardless of what happens there with our first consult, I see how much Marley is going to be fine. Today she held on to the shower door with her left hand as she stepped out then using her right hand she wedged the glass between her rubber fingers and balanced as she lifted her right leg out of the shower stepping away from the door. She figures it out. She ran around with my cell phone in my attempt to keep her preoccupied while we watched the game, and she balanced it perfectly in the crook of her arm. She never skipped a beat. She doesn’t always know what to do as most toddlers don’t, but with a little guidance she does everything the same as anyone else. And does it so so happy.
Tonight as we watched the game about three quarters of the way through Microsoft airs a commercial about a boy with Escobar syndrome and how much he loves video games. They talk to several other people all experiencing some different way of doing things- the commercial is about their new adaptive gear. Controllers. And speechless we sat there watching and feeling a deep sense of gratitude for this company working to make inclusion for such simple pleasures, such simple rights of passage since the days of my youth and Duck hunt on Nintendo. I am yet again tearful and happy for the super bowl commercials and love the ones that make me cry most of course. There were two, if I was counting :) Perhaps we all want to find a way to feel included and important. Instagram connected me to our future doctor- there are such good things on there. And as for the perfection, I have given that up this time, again, for I know that beneath the surface of us all we are deeply unique and different and all have a special way of doing things. Thank the good Lord for that.
I guess what I’m saying is that tiny moments, those boring moments can be the ones you need all along. I’ve been cooped up for so long that I kinda forgot that having a toddler means that everything you show her from here on out is still new and exciting. Marley ran to my lap carrying the book “Dada” by Jimmy Fallon and she read every word on all the pages from memory of all the times we’ve read it together. She was giddy with her tongue out saying Dada as she ran to me. I thought that all too soon we’ll be playing dolls and she’ll be ready for that tea party set we have. Right now she is still fascinated by books and straws and well, just about everything! And seeing it all from her eye-line makes me love this life even more. When we were sick, being on Instagram way too much I was having a hard time with the unattainable perfection displayed everywhere. But, one month out and zero postings from me I finally see how I affected we are by our external circumstances.
I feel empowered today. Inspired. I feel better than I have in weeks and finally out of gym clothes! I feel grateful. And quietly humbled- for I do not forget the stomach bug twice in 10 days. Twice. I feel strength.
And motivated. We are going to that initial visit and regardless of what happens there with our first consult, I see how much Marley is going to be fine. Today she held on to the shower door with her left hand as she stepped out then using her right hand she wedged the glass between her rubber fingers and balanced as she lifted her right leg out of the shower stepping away from the door. She figures it out. She ran around with my cell phone in my attempt to keep her preoccupied while we watched the game, and she balanced it perfectly in the crook of her arm. She never skipped a beat. She doesn’t always know what to do as most toddlers don’t, but with a little guidance she does everything the same as anyone else. And does it so so happy.
Tonight as we watched the game about three quarters of the way through Microsoft airs a commercial about a boy with Escobar syndrome and how much he loves video games. They talk to several other people all experiencing some different way of doing things- the commercial is about their new adaptive gear. Controllers. And speechless we sat there watching and feeling a deep sense of gratitude for this company working to make inclusion for such simple pleasures, such simple rights of passage since the days of my youth and Duck hunt on Nintendo. I am yet again tearful and happy for the super bowl commercials and love the ones that make me cry most of course. There were two, if I was counting :) Perhaps we all want to find a way to feel included and important. Instagram connected me to our future doctor- there are such good things on there. And as for the perfection, I have given that up this time, again, for I know that beneath the surface of us all we are deeply unique and different and all have a special way of doing things. Thank the good Lord for that.
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